:: Parachutes ::

I got lost.

2004-09-02T22:20:00.000-07:00

I was waiting.

Waiting for you.

I waited.

And waited.

No one came along.

No one came.

You didn't come.

You promised you'd come.

You didn't.

Liar.

Pity.

Self-pity.

Wallowing in my self-pity.

I brushed off this waking dream.

I got up and searched.

Searched for you.

Up and down.

Left and right.

Back and forth.

Leaving no stone unturned.

Never did i find you.

No single trace.

Never once close.

Silently i wept.

I thought of all the memories with you.

The unfounded dreams.

The empty promises.

The times i missed you.

I sighed.

Wondering off.

I got lost.

Pondering.

About us.

The more i thought the harder i grew.

Sorrow and despise ran freely in me.

What went wrong?

Weeks breeze away.

Months go by.

Seasons change and pass.

Perhaps, all this while.

I was the one at fault?

Paving my way.

I thought to myself.

I'm starting to miss you more.

Why?

I don't know.

I just do.

I miss you.

Where are you now?

Please don't hide.

I know it's my fault.

Please forgive.

And maybe forget too.

Laugh if you want to.

Laugh.

But, still.

Please come and look for me.

I'm lost.

What do you like?

2004-09-01T13:43:00.000-07:00

I haven't really blogged a proper entry this week. Why? I'm not shure. I don't feel like writing or maybe i have the writer's block. Brr. Whatever it is, i'd like to ask if you prefer reading proper "diary-entry" type of blogs or would you prefer reading scribbles of random feelings and notions? I'm tied over which to write. Brr. Anyways, I need to run along soon. Tuition's soon. Goodbye for now world.

Looking for : Nothing, really.
Listening to : Superman - five for fighting

Salvation.

2004-08-31T09:43:00.000-07:00

Nausea.

Ostracism.

Duress.

That's what you get when you have flu.

Terrible terrible flu.

Your head spins around and reality blurs.

Images form.

Wishful thinking.

Guilt.

Heartache.

Pain.

No.

This has nothing to do with you.

It's different.

It's just this flu.

This terrible flu.

I can't think proper with this on.

Sneezing fits.

Cosmic coughs.

Parched throat.

Empty ears.

I can't hear anything.

Deaf.

Deaf.

The crows screech.

The pastor preachs.

Leave me a shell.

An empty me.

Null of feelings.

Just a cover.

An image of a former me.

The walls tear.

Souls wander,

Lost.

Where is salvation for them?

Not more spam, please.

2004-08-27T23:51:00.000-07:00

Emptiness.

Void.

Darkness.

Space.

Empty space.

My muse.

Thank God for her.

She takes the memories away.

For awhile.

And fills the heart with feelings lost.

Feelings.

No more sad.

No more anguish.

No more hate.

No more misses.

No more recognition.

No more.

No more.

Just for awhile.

Please.

Get out of my life.

Get your own.

Wallow.

Wallow in your self-pity.

Ponder.

Ponder your own thoughts.

Don't mess around with mine.

You made me promises unkept.

Loathe.

Disgust.

And more laughter.

Laughter

2004-08-26T21:19:00.000-07:00

I can't think properly.

Everything's in a mess.

Like one huge ball of monkey crap.

So many thoughts all at the same time.

I think i might crack soon.

Need help.

Argh.

Feel like cursing aloud.

But i can't.

Stupid brain of mine can't equate anything.

Keeps on forgetting important words.

Damn.

My world is crashing down.

Where is my muse now?

I need her.

I can't think straight.

Argh.

Where are you?

Come back you little sneak.

Words fail me.

Words flood me.

Don't hide from me.

You promised me.

You promised.

Pain.

Betrayal.

Disgust.

Hate.

Spite.

Anger.

Lonelyness.

All alone.

No tears.

No hurt.

No pain.

Just laughter.

Laughter.

Can't control this rush of thoughts.

2004-08-22T05:36:00.000-07:00

Ahhh.

So tired.

I'm being winded up and unwinded too quickly.

Stretch out.

Relax.

Stretch out.

Relax.

Ahhh.

Whew.

I'm like a giant pair of diapers all used and stretched.

Smells too.

But not like i do anways.

I'm sick of writing for now. Maybe i'll blog 3 or 2 times every week from now. Woo. Damn. Lethargic. Sigh. So many things happened to day i don't feel like elaborating alot. But i'll run through it. In point form.

* Had breakfast with cousins instead cause stefanie went jogging with her friend.

* Snuck in a "16 year-olds only" lan shop and played for an hour.

* Some church girl got my number and said "I found your number in my phone.". I don't know her i think. Carina's her name. Wierd.

* Went to zac l.'s house to slack around and left samuel, zac c. and david to go to sherlyn's house to watch "Around the world in 80 days.".

* Had lunch at compass point with abriel, anthony, macrina, marcus and benjamin.

* I went cycling.

* Pondered about many things.

* Pondered somemore.

* Had a smashing dinner.

* And now i'm blogging.

And now.

Read this email i received :

A girl and guy were speeding over
100 mph on the road...

Girl: Slow down. I'm scared.
Guy: No, this is fun.
Girl: No, it's not. Please, it's too scary!
Guy: Then tell me you love me.
Girl: Fine, I love you. Slow down!
Guy: Now give me a BIG hug.
*Girl hugs him*
Guy: Can you take my helmet off & put it on
yourself? It's bugging me.

(In the paper the next day):
A motorcycle had crashed into a building because
of break failure. 2 people were on it, but only
1 survived.

The truth was that halfway down the road, the
guy realized that his breaks broke, but he didn't
want to let the girl know. Instead, he had her
say she loved him & felt her hug 1 last time,
then had her wear his helmet so that she would
live even though it meant that he would die.

Really makes you think doesn't it?

Would you do that for someone you love?

I know i would.

Listening to : National day rally speech.
Looking for : Someone like rachel.

An unexpected act of kindness.

2004-08-19T21:11:00.000-07:00

Okay.

Here's my compo.

The title is, an unexpected act of kindness.

Whatever you think of it, paste your thoughts on the flooble box?

Hahas.

Thanks.

Here goes nothing :

The bus ground to a halt, bits of ashen gravel from the road flew onto the pavement. The bus doors flung open revealing a dark-haired boy of about 15 years of age draped in heavy winter clothing. Michel stepped out from the comforting warmth of the bus and out into the chilly December air. With a dull clank, the mechanical plastic doors closed shut behind him. The purple-coloured bus roared off for its next destination.

Michel stood by the pavement, dazed. His eyes adjusted to the familiar surroundings, tall pine trees and the frosted mulberry bushes. He removed his right glove and touched his cheek. Warmth. "I must get home before mother gets worried,"he thought. "And before supper gets cold too,"Michel thought again. Michel trudged on the dusty grey path surrounded by the parched white skeletons of great white oaks. The cold air stung his face. It was a good ten minute walk back home from this stop. He could have alighted from the bus at the next stop which was nearer to his house as mother always reminded him, but he just adored the white oaks which hung over the pavement. It had a sort of sense of nostalgia there. Except for an occasional bus or automobile, silence enveloped him.

Just then, as Michel felt his back pocket for his wallet, he realised that it was missing. He frantically turned back and faced the bus stop. "I must have left the damned thing on the bus!"he thought. "What would mother say? She just gave me my allowance!". He sighed.

"Well, I suppose there's nothing i can do now, can i?"Michel said out loudly, as if as he gave up.

His head hung low as he continued on with his journey, "At least, there'll be some hot cocoa at home,"Michel thought dejectedly.

When Michel was almost home, the sacred silence broke. A lone figure appeared in the distance dashing towards him. "Michel! Michel!"a somewhat familiar voice called up to him. Michel squinted his eyes and saw his neighbour and schoolmate, Rachel. "What does she want?"he thought. He waved and called out "I'm here!". Rachel's light footsteps drew closer.

She stopped in front of Michel, panting.

"Michel,"she started off, "You left something on the bus.".

Rachel handed over a brown leather wallet to Michel. Michel's eyes widened in amazement.

"You dropped off a stop after me and ran to pass me my wallet? It's cold out here you know. You could have waited until school tomorrow."he said.

Rachel looked meekly at him. Her long brown hair and crystal blue eyes gave her an innocent look.

"Well... Would you care for some cocoa at my place?"he said smiling. "With marshmallows too,"he added. Rachel smiled at him.

"I would love to."she said with a shy smile.

Yup.

That's it.

Tell me what you think of it?

Listening to : I'll be there for you (The friends theme song.) - the rembrants

Looking for : Rachel? Hahas. Nah.

Ground or grinded?

2004-08-18T20:00:00.002-07:00

Whew.

Just done with dinner.

Way full.

I just got back my english test results today.

Fantastic.

I keep my title as top boy.

Best of the best.

Cream of the crop.

Along with 3 other people that is.

Crackers.

I don't believe it.

Sigh.

Oh well.

The best things don't last forever.

I had alot of grammatical errors.

And spelling errors.

I spelt "ground" as in like the friction thing as "grinded".

Geez.

Isn't there a grinded in the dictionary?

I didn't bother to check though.

But prove me wrong.

hahas.

I just read my best friend's blog, clifford. Damn his skin is nice. It's all black. And it has the words etched grey over the black background, "You might not know how much i have loved you. Just who i am to you. You might never know my existence. Was it just a fairy tale that was never started? To be continued". Real cool. I think. But i don't get the "to be continued part.". What's it mean? Anyways, Check out his blog at www.cliffydeedoo.blogspot.com. Radical.

Well, You wanna read my composition? I'll write it out (without the mistakes) on the next posting. Check it out.

Listening to : Stand by me - oasis
Looking for : Someone to stand by me.

Monster me.

2004-08-18T18:48:00.000-07:00

Argh!

Guess what i did after class today!

I accidentally hit brandon in the eye!

With a book!

Not any kind of book.

An a math textbook!

While he was wearing contacts!

Argh!

I feel so guilty now.

And just now too.

Here's what happened :

After class everybody got up and packed up and wanted to leave. But me and brandon were sparring in the middle of the classroom. Why? Cause he hit me first with his shoe bag and i got kind of irritated so i smacked him right in the forehead. Bad move. We sparred each other with racket, shoe bag, fists, feet and finally, i had my hands on my a math text. I swung at his shoulder but he ducked. Of all the things he could do then, he ducked. Great. My book slammed right into his right eye.

Crackers.

You could almost guess what happened next. Yeah.

"Ouch! You hit my eye dammit!".
"Oh crap! Damn! So so sorry man! Are you alright?!".
"Oww.." he groaned.

His eye was all red and puffy, plus there was this cut on his brow. It looked real wicked. He has big eyes you see. And they don't look too good after being banged up.

So then after, i followed him to the washroom, had his eye cleaned up, got him some tissue, said more sorries, found out his contact lens was mising. He groaned some more. I offered to get him a pair of new ones, he said it was alright, those were only for a month. Crackers. Poor guy. He's like a head shorter than me and i had to hit him back. Damn. I'm such a monster. Why did i have to hit him back? Why? Why? Why? Argh. Silly, crazy michael.

Bad michael, bad.

Oh yeah. Clement was in the toilet while brandon was cleaning up his wound and while i was apologising. Damned stupid ass. He came with his bullshit as usual. "Aiya michael. You again? Haiya. How many times already huh? Please larh.". Crap man. I wanted to take brandon's shoe bag and shove it up his sorry little ass. Damn. Clement and his bullshit nonsense. Making comments that only seem funny from his perspective. He might as well suck on his toe. What a big moron.

Adding salt to the an already sore wound.

Crackers.

Christ forgive me for that but i really can't tolerate him any longer.

After that ugly toilet incident i brought brandon to the foyer so his sister could fetch him home. He had to cancel his squash plans cause of his eye.

Damn.

Monster me.

I called him after my afternoon class and he said it was alright. It was better already. Still a little sore but yeah, okay already. That was good news.

Cheers for the little guy!

Thank God for that too.

Well, the next best thing after that was the mashed potatoes at 7 eleven you can get for a dollar. It was really good. So good Dalton and shaun wanted another. Me too. But i ran out of time. Had to go home for tuition. I want another of them potatoes soon.

Damn they're good.

Listening too : The reason - hoobastank
Looking for : The girl with the broken smile? Hahas.

Soft bones within unagi.

2004-08-17T17:32:00.000-07:00

I had my history common test today.

Good?

Bad?

Both i say.
I only understood 2 out of the 3 questions there. Crackers right? I hope i pass this time round. My physics, social studies and literature only got low passes. My favourite subject literature! Only just passed?! Damn. Sigh. I gotta work harder.

School was great. Math teacher didn't come. So we skipped 3 periods of math. Hahas. After school i went to compass point with my friend yu zheng (Who wanted to meet his girlfriend.) and brandon (Who didn't know what else to do.). Soon after we reached compass point, he left the both of us and hurried off. Girlfriend i guess.

Brandon wanted to get a bun down at coldstorage so naturally i went with him (I live near him you see.). When we went down i bumped into another friend of mine from church, yvonne. She was along her way there too i think, was with her classmates and later on, samantha. Heard they were really good friends, samantha and yvonne. Comes in a bundle they say. I don't think samantha saw me though. I said bye to yvonne after brandon was done buying his bun. Then i heard samantha call out "Bye michael!". I turned around and waved and their group of friends laughed at me. Brr. Schoolgirls. Hahas.

Anyways, i borrowed 3.55 from brandon to buy a unagi rice burger from mos burger. Mmm. Don't you just like mos burger? It's my favourite fast-food restaraunt. Expensive though. After i got my burger, brandon wanted a grape soda. He thought about it for awhile before he thought an apple soda would suit him better. He was too shy to approach the lady at the counter so i had to do it. Hahas. Shy of the counter lady? Crackers.

I ate the burger along the way home. It was good. Real good. But just abit prickly. Sort of like tiny little needles in your mouth. Oh. It came with a sticker too. A starry red one with the words, "Soft bones in unagi.". No wonder.

Listening to : Down - blink 182
Looking for : A special friend of mine. I really miss you alot.

Damn.

2004-08-16T19:44:00.000-07:00

Damn.
Damn it.
Damn this silly webpage.
Damn it for erasing my previous 2 blog accounts.
Damn you for wasting my effort.
Damn damn damn.
I hate you.
Damn!

Argh. Can you believe what this silly webbie did? It erased my username and my password.
Argh. So silly! So dumb! So stupid! So damned crappy! Crackers!
Argh! My precious webpages! All gone!

Sigh. I guess i'll have to make do with this one.
Wish me good luck.
Curse my bad luck.

Listening to : If we hold on together (land before time soundtrack) - diana ross
Looking for : My old passwords and usernames.

A stretched-out day.

2004-08-15T22:48:00.000-07:00

I woke up late. Damn it. My parents didn't wake me up for mass so naturally i slept on until about 8 and i was like "wth?!". David stayed over last night and he was still sleeping. Other than the both of us the only other person awake was my little brother - marcus. Marcus did the only thing he would ever do early on an sunday morning, play the damned p.c. without waking me up!
I woke david up and we freshened ourselves up abit before i took a taxi straight to church. I was late for breakfast with my friend - stefanie. Stef called the previous night and asked if i could have breakfast with her. I agreed. While david decided to go to a different church for mass with the gang.
Breakfast was great. Hahas. I actually enjoyed talking to stefanie alot. We had loads to catch up on. Maybe next week i'll ask her for breakfast again. But i'll think twice about fetching her to the Mrt next time. Damn tiring.
Well, i didn't attend mass though. Hahas. Crackers. i promise i'll go next week! Hahas. The rest of the day was like normal. I went to legion meeting. Had lunch at my aunt's. Took a bus home. Read some lit notes. Had a lazy sunday afternoon nap. Went to my granma's.
I accidentally killed marcus's pet digimon at gran's place. He was really upset and i still feel guilty about it. Okay. Not an accident. I've been wanting to do it for the past day. My dad talked to me about and i guess i got what i deserved. Oh phooey.

Listening to : She will be loved - maroon 5
Looking for : The girl with the broken smile. (Oh crap! What a clique man.)